


You Bloody Twit

by Spikedluv



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-28
Updated: 2012-05-28
Packaged: 2017-11-06 04:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/414713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spikedluv/pseuds/Spikedluv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike helps Dawn out...and makes a mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Bloody Twit

**Author's Note:**

> I have no self-control. Just a silly ficlet in response to a post to AuroraSociety.
> 
> For Queen C...’cause she’s the cat’s meow!
> 
> Written: February 14, 2003

“What did you just say to me?” Dawn placed both hands on her hips and attempted to stare-down the blond vampire.

Spike was oblivious to her growing ire. “You were supposed to stay in the car, young lady. It’s dangerous out here!”

“Did you call me a bloody twit?” she asked slowly, her voice like ground glass.

Spike froze, and then looked carefully at her face. He blanched. “Uh, no,” he denied.

“What did you say?” Dawn pursed her lips and prodded.

“Uh, I said, ‘you’re going to get bloody hurt, Bit’,” Spike lied through his fangs.

“That’s funny,” Dawn mused, “‘cause it sounded an awful lot like ‘you’re going to get hurt, you bloody twit’.”

“Uh, nope. You musta heard wrong,” Spike insisted.

“Really?” Dawn asked, in obvious disbelief.

“Uh, yeah,” Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the mob. “Now that I’ve got what we came for, we can get out of here.”

“But I wanted to see...”

“No!” Spike interrupted her. “Those people are dangerous, Bit! How many bloody times I gotta tell you?”

“Spike, they’re not dangerous, they’re just fans,” Dawn tried to explain.

“They’re bloody bonkers is what they are,” he didn’t stop walking, and Dawn had to run to keep up, or be dragged along behind him. When they reached the car, Spike leaned against the hood and lit a cigarette, looking back at the mass confusion they’d just escaped. He shook his head and he took a long drag.

“Look how rational, logical beings can just turn into a mob. It’s disgusting, really.”

Dawn leaned against the car beside him. “Can I see?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah, here,” he dug into his pocket, pulled out the Backstreet Boys The Hits - Chapter One CD, and handed it to Dawn. The front page of the insert had been autographed in silver pen, To Dawn, Best Wishes, XOXO Kevin’.

“Wow, you got Kevin to autograph it? He’s my favorite! Thanks, Spike!” Dawn threw herself at the blond vampire and hugged him.

“I know,” Spike said as he hugged her back. “Now, stop that,” he pushed her away and looked around to make sure no one saw him hug her. “Remember, we were never here. The big bad does not get Backstreet Boys autographs for anyone, not even mystical keys. Got it?”

“Got it,” Dawn grinned widely at him. “Where’d Buffy go?” she finally asked.

“Oh, uh, well, I’m sure she’s in there somewhere,” Spike said nervously. They waited in silence and a couple of minutes later the Slayer appeared from the throng of fans, her make-up smeared, her hair a tangled mess.

“Buffy! There you... What happened to you?” Dawn cried.

“It was pandemonium in there, Dawnie,” Buffy was breathing heavily, and took a moment to catch her breath. “Worse than fighting off a horde of demons. Look!” she held her hand out. “I broke a nail,” she pouted, lowering her head to examine the offending finger. “And that was just getting out. I never even made it to the front of the line! Some...idiot...pushed me down and trampled over me to butt ahead, and started a stampede! It was horrible. I’m so glad you’re safe out here,” she hugged her younger sister.

“Yeah, me too,” Dawn replied. “Spike said I could get hurt, but...I didn’t realize.”

“Good thing you’ve got Slayer healing,” Spike said. “So,” he quickly changed the subject, “can we get out of here now, before someone sees me?”

“I should go back in there and find that guy,” Buffy said, determined.

“He’s probably long gone,” Spike said.

“You think?” Buffy looked at him, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Well, yeah!” Spike said. “I mean, if he was butting, he was probably one of the first ones out of there.”

“Spike, weren’t you...,” Dawn began.

“Right, then, let’s get out of here,” Spike interrupted.

“Well, holy day in church, batman,” Spike heard a too-familiar voice call out, “isn’t that the big bad? One quarter of the scourge of Europe? William the Bloody...”

“Oh, put a sock in it, you bloody twit!” Spike yelled at Xander.

End


End file.
